Less than 48 hours ago I was preparing my heart for the viewing of ultrasound #2 [pregnancy #2] without my husband by my side. His flight out of Wisconsin was delayed and would be landing just minutes after the appointment started. We decided to make the best of the situation with a date night where I could reveal the sex of the baby with a fun surprise.
The "reveal" bag that held the secret of all secrets.
As I positioned myself on the examining table, I gabbed to the male technician that I was nervous to be there without my husband and that I would be a mess if he had news that the baby was unhealthy. I continued to ensure not a moment of silence was left unfilled. I talked, while he went to work in search of Baby Anderson, of things I can't quite remember now. Those things I was busy saying went fuzzy when the technician happily teased, "Well, I've sure got news for you. It's not bad news, but it's news. You've got twins!"
I looked to the screen and so clearly saw two beautiful babies somehow, miraculously inside of me. Hands, feet, hearts, heads multiplied in wonder. Tears slowly rolled down my cheeks while my face went slack and I stared in complete awe. In disbelief, despite the proof, I uttered brief questions: "Really?".... "Really?"... "Twins?"
My obgyn had confirmed, at least three times all thanks to my pestering, that what he and I were seeing on the 1st ultrasound [nine weeks before the 2nd viewing] was definitely, absolutely one baby.
Seeing two babies in a motion of black and white was nothing short of a shock. It topped the chart for life's most stunning moments.
I cried and I cried. During calm moments I would ask grounded, technical, and logical questions, but then my mind would drift to the big picture and I would cry. I cried with the same happiness I felt the 1st day I held Thomas in my arms and felt completely unworthy for something so very good. I cried in mourning for birth and career plans dissipated in thin air like a lingering fog which has finally lifted. I cried for the chasm of my knowing and Paul, on the plane or in the airport, so very unaware. I cried in exhilaration for something too beautiful for words.
The technician and I talked about twin types and twin terminology and mothers' reactions to finding out they're having twins at the 2nd ultrasound and mothers finding out they're having twins at the 2nd ultrasound without anyone by their side. We looked for evidence of the sex and found it quickly on Baby B and what seemed like ten minutes later on Baby A, who was much lower. Both boys! More tears! A swarm of boys in my house and a vision I had never imagined in my life. Tears of happiness overtook me. Even with all my talking and crying, questions and exclamations, the technician shared something amusing with me, "You're taking this very well!"
And these guys took it well too.
Two hours after finding out life wasn't what it had seemed, I was relieved to watch my dear husband and son catch up to speed with the help of a white bag and two tissue wrapped surprises within. With the first outfit, "A boy.... Yay!... A brother!" And then the look I'll never forget. Paul and I didn't need to say anything. His suspicions about the other item wrapped in tissue paper, the second outfit, were confirmed when I slid the ultrasound picture across the table.
Penning closure for this experience is impossible. The shock is still reverberating as I type. However, while this story sprung from the separation Paul and I experienced with one of the most special and life-altering moments we might ever know, its life will be in the drawing of us closer together. Not knowing what's up ahead is terrifying, exciting, and exhilarating simultaneously, but there's as much a force of peace within me, knowing I get to share every bit of this adventure, this new un-imagined life with four other precious souls I can call my own.